well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
