So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize