WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
