once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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