smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
