Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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