apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
