I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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