I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i now understand why vodka
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
