I feel like I'm in dance class right now
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
