I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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