u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize