We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
