Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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