You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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