you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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