so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
