He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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