Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
