well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
