Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
