I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
