Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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