I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize