sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
