She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
