Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize