WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Randomize
