If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
