No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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