Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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