Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
