he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
