Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
