he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
