I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
