i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
