I'm really into asian looking animals
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
It's blow job season.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
