my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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