I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
