idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
