Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
