Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
