I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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