I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
