she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
