i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
