I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
