Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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