My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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