Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
