yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
