Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
