Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
