New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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