i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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