I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
