you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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