i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
