god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
