he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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