Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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