i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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