exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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