i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
it glows. i had to have it.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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