thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
