Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
