You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
