I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
