So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
