he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
