you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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