white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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