I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
