I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
