That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
