amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
